Yesterday a Lehigh Valley politician text me quite upset that Bob “Crooksy” Brooks was being endorsed by the Blue Dogs. They said to me incredulously, “So we have a Bernie-endorsed, Medicare For All supporting and Progressive Caucus candidate, who the BLUE DOGS are endorsing?? They’re about as conservative as the Dem caucus gets. This guy is all over the place.”

Yep, we’re getting warmer here.

The entire plan to get Bob “Crooksy” Brooks to run for Congress was the most cynical kind of politics possible on the part of the people who talked him into it and endorsed him. They didn’t vet the guy at all before telling him it’s a great idea, because they knew he would cash in his union leadership position for enough money to pay some consultants a healthy pay day, which would help the careers of the youthful staffers who pushed this scheme. So they ignored that he stiffed his mother-in-law, that he hated Barack Obama, he’s a racist, he’s a gun and religion nut, and he’s oblivious to political violence. They knew that some heavy-hitters in the Democratic Party would ignore all of these flaws too, because endorsing him would be good for their ambitions. They knew that once those heavy-hitters were on board, many in the political class would fall in line with them and defend a guy who holds none of their values, because they’re sheeple. And with money, endorsers, and completely establishment creatures spinning a guy taking money from his mother-in-law, they might be able to get him across the line in the primary, and then they could pray that it’s a wave year and no one will care that we nominated a literally awful human being.

Ok, so now why?

It’s not like Crooksy is a big thinker. It’s not like this tree trunk is Machiavelli. As PoliticsPA more politely put it, the guy can barely put together a coherent sentence on his feet. I hate to compare him to John Fetterman, given Fetterman’s issues, but the shoe fits. The guy just goes out and repeats slogans and buzzwords, like “working class,” “Medicare for All,” and “Blue Collar.” As I said before, it’s a noun, a verb, and Josh Shapiro out of this guy’s mouth. He’s bringing about as much intellectual thought to government and politics as my one legged ass is bringing to a 100 meter dash race.

So let’s be honest about this- a bunch of DC consultants have decided the Democrats have a blue collar white guy problem to fix. Their theory is that as long as Trump is around they really don’t need to appeal to their actual base voters- people of color and college educated, white collar moderates that have been moving their way dating back to Trump’s arrival. Those married women with masters degrees in Upper Macungie and the Black woman who is a leader in her church will never vote for Trump’s GOP, at least in these smart DC types’ minds. So don’t worry about them. Nominate a bald white guy who has no real ideas and has spent most of his life disagreeing with what the Democratic Party has become, and try to win back the mythical white unicorn with a sub-mediocre IQ and a ton of opinions about “how the world has changed.” Maybe as an added bonus if he hits all of the buzzwords that are cool with the terminally online crowd he can appeal to people that find the Democratic Party’s longstanding battles for equality and Civil Rights boring compared to some mythological revolution. It’s so dumb that it can appeal to all of the really dumb people at once, and well, we’ve seen how that works.

This approach is not only insulting to actual Democratic base voters, but it’s actually deeply insulting to voters who haven’t been voting for us too. So basically you’re saying to the former Democratic voter in Whitehall or Northampton that works in a blue collar job that you think this thoughtless drone is what they want to see? Give me a break. Republicans are not going to buy into this guy who was endorsed by Bernie Sanders. Literally all of them fit into two camps at this point- people that are voting Republic because they think Democrats have lost their minds, or people that are voting Republican because they want some sort of cultural inquisition to purge our politics of liberal thought. The guy endorsed by Bernie Sanders appeases neither of those groups and disappoints the people who have been with us for a while now.

Bob “Crooksy” Brooks is a candidate with no political soul. Is he a Blue Dog now because they endorsed him? Is he a populist progressive because Bernie Sanders and SEIU endorsed him? The truth is, he’s neither. He’s just another consultant laboratory creation in DC and Harrisburg that is looking forward to having a good time in DC on someone else’s dime. I mean, I guess in a different time in my life I’d justify running a bucket of slop for Congress by saying he’ll vote for a Democratic Speaker, but given his views on Kaepernick and Obama I doubt he really likes Hakeem Jeffries. Basically if this works, it’s a big “F-U” to the people who have been voting for us, I guess we had to sell you out to get power, and if it doesn’t, we’ll go through this whole stupid process again in two years with a tougher electorate and a new cast of characters to repeat it with. What a stupid idea this was.