I stared out across the mall, watching the fireworks. I realized I was completely burned out. The date wasn’t August 17th, 2024, the day my body failed and my life was on the brink. The date was January 20th, 2021. I was in Washington, DC and I had just finished working the inauguration of President Biden. I was over it all. I had been burning the candle further and further down that was my life. I was at the end. I wanted to turn down a job offer to manage a campaign, and I had already basically given up on joining the Biden Administration. I was in denial, that all I needed was a short break and then I’d be back to myself. I was at my wits end. I was probably already diabetic at that point, so my physical health was in decline. My mental health was shot. I was in denial about both, because well, I could make everything look fine.

From that day up until August 17th, 2024, I was able to fake it good sometimes. I had successes professionally. I went to the gym and had good work outs. I could make you think I was functioning. I did it better than anybody, trust me. I should have won an Oscar for the last five years of my life. I played my supporting actor role like an elite leading actor. Right until I got the infection in my foot, nothing was visibly wrong. Then it was. In the time since I almost died, my doctors have opened my eyes to where I was at. I was on a slow decline towards a young death that suddenly was accelerated by the blood infections. In a really, really weird way, almost dying literally saved my life.

2025 was the most adequate year ever. Not great, not bad, just adequate. Coming after the living hell of 2024, it was exactly what I needed at this time in my life. I needed to survive, heal, and get my strength back. I spent this year doing just that. I’m weirdly healthier than I was before. The fog in my mind has been lifting slowly over the course of this year. I’ve come around to the reality that is me. There wasn’t anything that great about this year, other than that I survived it. I’m not truly thriving yet. I’m much better than I was though. I also now know just how much I can actually take.

I’m afraid of nothing now. This year wasn’t the year I wanted, but it was the year I needed, to clear my mind and body. I did just that. I’m thankful for everything, every day, and every person. Thank you all, and god bless you in 2026.