If you’re still stumbling, you drank too much. Happy week after St. Patrick’s Day. They told me not to, but I did. I took Florida in some brackets, Arizona in others. Figures that the one who is the defending champions were the ones who burned me. March Madness gave us the expected, such as Duke, Arizona, Michigan, Michigan State, and UCONN, and little to no fun. For the second straight year, and second time in the modern era, all the teams in the Sweet 16 come out of The Big Ten, SEC, ACC, Big 12, and Big East. In the era of the portal and NIL, good players leave mid-majors after two years to go play on power programs. Hey, at least we have St. John’s. At least it’s not the women’s tournament either, which is basically just UCONN, UCLA, and South Carolina dogging teams until they get to each other. Texas and their enormous athletics budget arrived as a #1 in the women’s tournament too, and has lived up to it, while their men won three games last week. Local teams Lehigh, Villanova, and Penn all got run out of the men’s side as well. Villanova and Princeton’s women were both sent packing too. Unrelated, but I lost every parlay I tried.

Penn State won the NCAA Wrestling title in the least shocking result ever. Meanwhile, Venezuela beat the United States in the World Baseball Classic final. I guess we take their President, they take our trophy. Cuba probably won’t get to keep either for themselves. Despite some socialist white kids from the U.S. visiting, the country is imploding under it’s own weight. Yes, I know we’re blockading them, which we basically have for 70 years, to varying degrees. Anyway, back to sports, Opening Day for MLB is on Thursday. I’m obviously quite excited, but you’ll get my predictions later this week. I’ll be at a AAA game on Saturday to see Zack Wheeler rehab and the Phillies and Nats on Monday. I’m more excited for betting my pitcher strikeout parlays again. I win on those most days.

In case you were wondering, we’re still fighting the war we won a couple of weeks ago in Iran. The Straight of Hormuz still isn’t open and the national average of gasoline is $3.97 a gallon, because Joe Biden. Israel is still fighting Hezbollah in Lebanon, as well as kind of fighting Hamas in Gaza, and fighting Iran in Iran, which only makes sense when you realize the same people are funding Hezbollah, Hamas, and Iran. Here at home the Homeland Security Department government shutdown continues, and TSA is a mess. I mean, Al Jazeera calls it a crisis. Workers haven’t been paid in weeks, and some just don’t even show up for work now. Can’t say I blame them. President Trump wants to really fix this crisis, so he’s sending in his “A Team,” putting ICE at airports across America. In other mildly political news, Robert Mueller, the former FBI Director who investigated Russian interference in our 2016 Election and determined it happened and that the President couldn’t be prosecuted for it, died. Yes, Donald Trump celebrated it. He did not celebrate Chuck Norris dying though, though I doubt he knows he was a conservative Republican. It’s a real party in the USA these days.

The Bachelorette was canceled for this season. Apparently Taylor Frankie Paul, the star for this upcoming season, beat the living shit out of her ex/baby daddy, and the video leaked. Look, shit no one is proud of happens sometimes, but hear me out. A few dozen (?) “men” were going to go on a show and share a girlfriend for a few weeks, begging for love from a woman who will kick their ass when she’s pissed. The cucked American male is simply wildly out of control. Like, don’t you have any respect for yourselves? Don’t answer that. Apparently some guy who was on the show named Brad Ledford was actually the driver of the car that crashed into former North Carolina Congresscritter Madison Cawthorn and put him in a wheelchair. Seriously, first you picked the violent mom from “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” as the prize of the show, then you put these clowns on the show? This show wouldn’t be crazier if it were cast in a halfway house.

Have a nice week everyone. Enjoy!